A blog and a half by D. Lawson-Hart.
|Posted on October 14, 2013 at 10:15 AM||comments (0)|
Gird your loins for another navigationablicious...
Reunite for the first time with Tom Schalk and his brother Steve, and also Aedylon Issyrol, as they play intellectual parcheesi with such topics as the law of the concrete jungle, action figures, neTwerking, et tu verata nicto, Wil Wheaton kidnapping your family, the Kermit-off, grilled cookies, the Yoda-off, the black metal-off, Stoned Wars, fighting trees, the Hyperloop, Lon Gisland, using Ninja Turtles as a pickup line, why Nathan Fillion should have played Green Lantern, tuna and beans, the Odd Couple, Jason Statham movies, the seven words, getting one’s anatomy caught in an air conditioner, watching Saiyans twerk, Justin Timberlake wishing he was Michael Jackson, horoscopes, whether or not Shark Tale (AKA, Will Smith as a fish) holds up, Tom being schizophrenic, blaspheming against the Angry Video Game Nerd, two-sided printing, being too French for French class, reasons to read Voltaire, ska-thic music, creepy old man voices, bastardizing Disney, the wide world of Hanna-Barbera, the failings of evil frog minions, Istanbul not being Constantinople, pop music going to crap in the latter half of the 90s, concert culture and progressive rock, the need for balance in government, the difference between Gerald and Henry, a possibly-inaccurate definition of tax shelters, being blown off the road due to clean energy, Japanese electric motorcycles, and patriotism versus nationalism.
Whatchoo talkin' bout credits? Here they are:
Boogie on down with one of the Format Trifecta:
Somebody stop me!
|Posted on September 30, 2013 at 11:30 AM||comments (0)|
Is everybody happy? That'll all change when you hear...
Turn that smile upside-down with Jordan Martyr, Garrett Williams, Tom Schalk and his brother Steve, as they draw-and-quarter such topics as AdBlock AdBlocking itself, Whose Line Is It Anyway: Stoner Edition, full-frontal Colonel Sanders, emailing yourself, sheathing your lightsaber, sharp food, Uncle Ron from Indiana, the balls!, too much corn, papier mache people’s rights, bra-ing the mountains, your gender while being tickled in midair, invisible lakes, Mickey Mouse on the hard stuff, mailing Randy Savage a hat made out of Tinker Toys, will the real Slim Jim please stand up, snapping into a zoot suit, being a hemorrhoid, visible dog farts, Pepsi-flavored Cheetos (which are actually real), Gallagherphilia, the Silky Sheriff, spreading elf awareness, having sex dreams about the founder of the Mormon church, how to make Pop Tarts a part of your complete breakfast, advertising what’s already happening, Muddy Buddies, controllers with mini-keyboards, Dust’n Donuts, watermelon hips, wanging the chung, touching MC Hammer, Breaking Van Der Beek, Fantastic Beasts and How To Photoshop Them, Christopher walkin’ the dog, Photoshop ventriloquism, Optimus Prime transforming into a black woman, Dick Cheney Fudd, putting the “k” in panic, why Tom is going to hell, Betty Boop’s botox, speaking with a Tumblr representative, fistnipples, Old Zealand, choosing punta, finding sponges attractive, hookers and licorice, the slow fap, and Bible study.
Credits... will do fine *waves hand mystically*:
Time has come for your ears to be lambasted with one of three ostentatious formats:
Well, guess that's all I have to say. What I'm trying to say, is that I don't know what to say. I don't even know where to begin. Til it be laterz!
|Posted on September 16, 2013 at 2:15 PM||comments (0)|
Aw, crud! It's about to be...
Feel all grumpy in the pants with Garrett the Williams and Tom the Schalk, as they whinge and also grouse about the Slug Effect, getting paid in Yen, breeding pennies in Second Life, being old, Goonies and Godfathers, enigmas wandering the space of the internet, Batman’s parents going to “live on a farm”, Tom’s sledgehammer, romancing the Chrysler building, rules 34 and 35 as applied to ADHDcast, Empire State being a power-bottom, How To Basic, cozying up to a can of paint, learning how to have “swag”, eating dairy, gurling blood and death, pho (AKA, FUH!), referencing Genesis songs without meaning to, the twerking (again), stealing Huey Lewis, licensing issues that prevent us from having any fun, shaking your social media, podcast perfume samples, being in a metacarpal relationship, the Schalker, Hannoying, ancient nanotechnology, The Mighty Aqua-ducks, the evil of Beliebers, the evolution of Drake & Josh, David Bowie tour news, fresh insights into Labyrinth, Sudafed Batman’s tips and tricks for Duck Hunt, Duck Lamp: The Treasure Of Tales Movie, Tony Jay, Disney movies and shows, the epicness of Gargoyles, Thundercats bloopers, the Tomophone, un-clownlike mustaches, why “YMCA” is the anthem of gay elbows and Cher-queens, animated storybooks, Stickybear, Schogetten, our viewership being not at all improved by Naziism, Patrick Warburton, Randy Savage love, the ramen burger, improved HD Google Hangouts, and Yogi Bear forcing Boo Boo to use the free perfume samples from ADHDcast Magazine.
Before you start crying into your beer, maybe you should try LISTENING for once when I'm talking to you:
Now, you can hear whining at maximum volume in three annoying formats:
Fine, there, you have it! Now GET OUTTA HERE ALREADY!
|Posted on September 9, 2013 at 1:55 PM||comments (0)|
Welcome back to the golden realm of...
Gird thy loins with Sir Aedylon, the Duke of Ferret, Lady Shade, and resident court jesters Waynick and Stantz as they parley about having genitalia, yams of doom, rice pudding, Deus Ex: Human Revolution, rum and Disaronno, Lithuanian ninjas, gluten-free whiskey, Cthulhu, the trustworthiness of Wikipedia, the elusive mushroom-snake, the wonders of the S.C.U.M.M. engine, new shoes, Zoobooks, yogHurt, ADHD being not real, whether or not “midget” is offensive (spoiler: it is), matching shirts, floppies, talking to things that cannot hear you, random Shakespeare, paying for the privilege of using crappy software, indoor bottle rockets, speciality ribbons, how to inherit the Garrett ferret, liquor preferences, the somewhat-contested hotness of Rosario Dawson, one too many antennae, ESPing your pants, reality sitcoms, noise-cancelling webcams, bucket or f*** it, the Wonder Twins, shuffling our guests, taquitos, Mark’s paradoxes, phone wallpaper, Katy Perry’s “Prism” being unrelated to computer programs, D. predicts the future, Anthony Stewart Head, sigh-yodeling, more than the belly button, sexy British accents in your inbox, serenading Roseanne, back them files up, keeping it in the family, Brandi choking herself, growing extra “parts” on mice, the Cuban Shuffle Team versus the Curly Shuffle Team, getting laid versus making love, tentacles, laptop power supplies, The Rapping Prompt, an unholy din, Mark being a good housewife, Marcy Playground, Fox News is no news, corgis, Aedylon castrating John, the quality of character animation in video games and the causes of low quality, sound checking the crickets, taking a swig of your cigarette, the Ontario Megacorp Financial Group, Rachel Parent’s neophyte badassery, twerking manually, and getting a life.
Before we sally forth into fields stained red, mayhaps you should peruse these posted decrees:
Choose your weapon wisely from these three archetypes:
Have at thee, vile Monday - we shall slay the beast together! FOR IRELAND!
|Posted on September 2, 2013 at 6:25 PM||comments (0)|
It's Labor Day, and we're grilling up a whole mess of...
Grab a six-pack and some potato salad with D. the Deejay and special guest, Jordan Martyr! We'll be tossing around the ol' pigskin and waxing nostalgic about the old days, talking about the weather being cooler than somewhere else, Kanye West, The Joy Of Pooping, the Council Of The Elders, Mandarin Duck L'orange, finding truth wrapped up in a corn dog, Amy Weaselhouse, the fate of the “Roseanne” cast, Amanda Bynes losing her sh*t, Rosie O’Donnell, doing things for the good of the Poop, the Forbes swimsuit issue, basketball game music as rendered by Alan Parsons Project (not John Tesh), stripper poles, Gone With The Wind and its similarities to PhotoPoop, hat twins, tasty grandchildren being criminals, Tony Danza, LOLcats, Spanish fly, broccoli tonfa, giving up, dogs and cats tolerating each other, leaving your hash pipe and/or acid at McDonald’s, rabbits, refreshing time in Iceland, getting famous for taking a dump, Southern New Hampshire in the springtime (online only), porn college, the gong, Nelly moving in mysterious circles, George Jet-ferson, mottos being laws, with or without the trumpets, the ups and downs of Joplin’s Art Walk, heart soup, why you should keep drums a secret, Italian and/or Jewish bands at restaurants, Lars Ulrich getting paid in tacos, Laffy Taffy, a phone call from grandpa, touching it with bacon bits, looking up nude men for the good of the Poop, and Tom Hanks being stuck in a cat’s fur.
Before Grandpa Fred tells you how he got his wooden leg again, howzabout you make sure you didn't forget any of these credits:
Aunt Bea baked today's podcast into these three delicious fruit flavors:
Now pass that lighter fluid and let's roast this mofo!
|Posted on August 26, 2013 at 1:15 PM||comments (0)|
Monday hassling you again? Come on, get back in there and knock it out with...
Wind up and take a swing at the start of another workweek with D. the Deejay, Zacharey Hollingshead, Brandi Shade, Garrett Williams, and Tom Schalk, with brief guest appearances by April Hollingshead, John Waynick, and Mark Stantz. We'll be taking a bite out of boredom by rabbit-punching a plethora of topics, such as Red Baron pizza, meat tenderizing your husband, the dancing, head lice, cans of milf, snakes and geckos, becoming Krillin, glitchy games, Fable 8, military surplus trucks, Diablo versus WoW, auto detailing with Zach, mounted microwaves, using this podcast as some kind of endurance challenge, building your own computer, exciting boringness, GeoCities, being approached by Microsoft, kneading the dough, anti-jokes, Twelfth Doctor, crackpot fan theories, Nietzsche’s Greatest Hits, breaking lunchbox news, dubstepping Ted, HWAT, stwerked animals, cultured beef burgers, carnitaurus and other dinosaurs (like Earl, Charlene and the Baby), depressing endings to 90s sitcoms, Game of Thrones versus A Game Of Thrones, Cerseipher Walken, how having ADHD affects one’s ability to read, Dollhouse and Firefly, Muppets sequels, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and its sequels, Dragonball Z Abridged, Firefly online, being distantly related to Lucille Ball, Barbara St-something, mud, and Yoda coming on to Optimus Prime. Also, introducing Rotten Tomatoes: The Home Game!
Before the bell rings and you go up against the heavyweight champ that is Monday, spar for a minute with these credits:
Lace up your gloves and TKO any of the following three formats:
Let's get ready to (g)rumble!
|Posted on August 19, 2013 at 10:40 AM||comments (0)|
Already sick of Monday? 10-4 on that! Let's ride out with...
Breaker, breaker - it's D. the Deejay, barrelling down the pike with Garrett the Ferret, Shady Brandi, Johnny "Warthog" Waynick, and Good Buddy Aedylon. We'll be passing a multitude of interesting sights, including open-source woowoowoo, You Can’t Do That On Television, Aedylon sounding like Butthead, Galaga versus Macross, the plight of the North American craburrito, space Nazis, Garrett & Garrett Go To Taco Bell, waffles being ruined, InuYasha, movies with “2000” in the title, Aedylon’s nuts, Japanese Export (again), what John wants from happy, throwing a shoe at Aedylon, Garrett’s nipple being an attention whore, KoRn’s new album, crappyapp, (f)utilities, multiplying Garretts, twerking it, merging of universes, getting one’s “flight column” stuck in the air conditioner, going back to university and other plans for the future, The Ice Brandi Cometh, multiple varieties of strip clubs, a nice cup of warm twerk, Wiki Deli, Spatula City, Macross: Do You Remember Love, anime licensing and decline in craftsmanship, Choose Your Own Adventure books, orientaltwerk.com, getting Lasik for purposes of lab work, lists of “top 50 blah blah blah”, charades, surfing/twerking bird, dyselxia, army-related jobs, the Fayetteville flies, defecating in chartreuse, intensive Swahili programs, pressing the seat eject button, explosions of monitors, splitters, making fun of crying children, blueberry chicken, condiment wars, Michaelangelo’s Pizza Taste Test Challenge, Aedylon looking like Anjin-san from Shogun, suburban wildlife, the Ninja Gaiden series, getting a free meal at a Japanese teppanyaki steakhouse, traffic cops, marihoochie, truncating silence (or “toon-caking salad”, alternately), how to bumble your way through podcasting, Smart cars looking like gumdrops, buying sexy manatees, i c wut u did thar, e-cloves, Canadian climate, payment in beer, hearing balls, exit 69 to Johnson, the difference between “rape” and “fire”, paparazzi, work-related boobies, getting up in Brandi’s ass, and the latest air-type Pokemon.
Before we get underway, you really ought to visit this rest stop and browse through some credits in the vending machine:
Hitch up your rig to any of the following three trailers:
Looks like we got us a convoy!
|Posted on August 12, 2013 at 1:20 PM||comments (0)|
Make it so, ensign! We're flying headlong into a celestial storm of...
EPISODE XV - Schalkolate Milkschalk
On this journey into the unwelcome, we follow Captain D. the Deejay as he plots a course throught he ADHD Galaxy with First Mate Tom Schalk, Lieutenant Garrett Williams, and the ill-fated red-shirts Brandi Shade and John Waynick. They will encounter strange new topics and uncomfortable subject matter, such as additions to Google Hangouts, cake or death, Blendshow: the werewolf alpha, voice acting in your underwear - or completely nude, Frank Welker, the apparent sounds giraffes make, foxes hunting birds, German madmen harnessing the power of flight, HWAT, getting back to twerk, Snooperstitious Direwolf, Westboro Baptist Church, campaign promises about bouncy castles, Captain Kirk and his very special left hand, circumcision, “Also Sprach Zarathustra” being used inappropriately, Mrs. Butterworth versus Aunt Jemima, why none of us has a girlfriend, audio tap-dancing, somewhat lucid dreaming, George being the same thing as Jimmy, the future game show known as “Japanese Export” we are developing, attempting Zim, the ballad of Mark Stantz, Twinkies and the Hostess Thrift Store, Teddy Pendergrass, sex with giraffes, the Lex Luthor Burger versus the M. Bison Burger, Street Fighter II: The Anime, highbrow humor, farting (see how those are right next to each other?), writing books so they don’t go as badly wrong as “Casual Vacancy”, Schwarzenegger’s vagina, creating alcohol from your own urine, the overwhelming number of options on the internet, Twitter’s dildo, John getting cut off at the pizza bar, Build-A-Bear Workshop, Bear Nuts (a webcomic that somehow has nothing to do with testicles), John’s serial nudity, wishing for a penis (again), Tom finding out he’s gay after a trip to the restroom, the last hair, making your neighbors deaf, the contents of a bedroom drawer, RedTube, purple peninsulas on Mars, “Manah Manah”, Liam Neeson, The Godfather being overrated, and Marx Brothers movies.
Please study this abridged Starfleet manual before your first away mission:
You can beam to any of the following three coordinates:
|Posted on August 5, 2013 at 1:50 PM||comments (0)|
Weathering the dreaded Monday Hangover? Get ready to fight it off with...
While miss Kitty Pryde lays down some gentle somnambulistic beats, pull the thick quilt over yourself that's made up of D. the Deejay, Garrett Williams, Brandi Shade, Tom Schalk, and a super-drunk John Waynick as they examine such semi-confrontational concepts as having a Walkenfrog in your throat, video cards, Clint Eastpants, naming your children after anime, frothy mugs of water, adult cereal boxes, a pissing contest of hourly usage on Steam, what a tchotchke is, business cards, voicing Disney characters, getting Garrett laid, bison being the meat of the future, checking one’s leghair, mimosas and other liquor, being your own prostitute, fox-watching, more technical difficulties (one day we will get this right, I swear!), Max Headroom, the impending Episode Zero, Firefly and other Whedonness, Christopher Walkenwolf, sneaking into other people’s houses, Good Mythical Morning AKA Rhett & Link’s Excellent Adventure With Ayn Rand, Three Stooges impressions, NoisehairCast, nudism at its worst, The Flaming Drunkard, the difference between chai and soy, someone slipping crack into John’s alcohol, popper stoppers, being in a podcast with David Bowie, rim-job versus rim-shot, coffee after midnight, addiction to fanfiction, squeezing the ferret to get your money back, mounting John, mapmaking and its many trials, me being a “homey D”, deviantArt, attribution of alcohol consumption, how to improve one’s speaking voice, “come have sex with me”, this one time at band camp, Brandi trying to fix Garrett up with her skanky friends, getting a pineapple stuck up your ass, sleeping with cats, McDiving, Jack FM, de declawing debate, autotuning vulpines, a cold and delicious bottle of hand sanitizer, taking a screenshot on the Nexus tablet, and using the phone icon to change the volume on your space heater.
Be sure to weave the appropriate hand signs to defeat these intimidating credits:
Very quietly select which of these three formats you need, and FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T SLAM THE DOOR:
There, it has been delivered. Now SHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...